No matter how you slice it, this is a tough trip, both physically and emotionally, but it has amazing rewards.
This region is a large metropolitan area, so it has most consumer goods available. Try to pack as light as possible. If your child is going to use diapers, bring enough for the first day or two so you are not frantically looking for them, but you will be able to find disposable diapers at most markets for the same price that you would pay in the U.S.
If you are going to bring gifts for the orphanage, try to bring them on the first trip. Again, you will need very few personal items for the first trip, so you might as well use up your luggage allowance on this trip rather than pay an overweight luggage fee on the second trip.
Better yet, bring a little extra cash with you, and buy the gifts there. If you ask the orphanage director what they really need, they will be happy to give suggestions. The orphanage director at our child's baby home really wanted warm tights in different sizes, as well as small size shoes. As for gifts for the other people involved, ask a few questions on your first trip- you may be able to get the appropriate items in Khabarovsk, or they may hint to you that there is a certain American CD that they are hoping for, and you can bring it on your next trip. As a thank you, we gave our drivers cash in an envelope-we asked our translator and she said that they would prefer money. That made that gift very easy!
You will be able to get laundry done at the hotel, so pack enough clothes for a few days and get wash done. The floor ladies in Russian hotels usually will do laundry- this is a supplement to their income, and you pay them directly, not the hotel.
Baby food is available at most of the markets. Our translator helped us to choose which types for our child. We bought a lot of cereal that could be mixed with hot water. It may not have been very tasty, but we were trying to get as many calories in as possible. We did not want to change her diet too much before we got home and introduce a lot of new foods- we figured she was already going through enough change, and could wait a few more days. We did not give her milk, since most milk in Russia is not pasteurized. Again, we waited until we got home.
Souveniers we are glad that we brought home: There is a brown spiral bound book about the Khabarovsk Region, that we saw in many bookstores. It has four-color pictures, and English translations. We also bought a map of Khabarovsk that had English translations, and postcards. ( We got these from the little store in the lobby of the Amethyst.) We also found postcards of Komsomolsk in a bookstore there. We bought both Khabarovsk and Komsomolsk vodka- were not sure if we will ever open them, but we will save the bottles.
Items that we wished we had brought: 1) An "itty- bitty book light." There were times that our child was sleeping or napping that we were wide awake, but couldn't read or write in our journals because we didn't want to turn on a light. 2)A plastic splat mat for the floor- we were feeding her primarily in the hotel with out a high chair, and food was everywhere. It would have been nice to be able to scoop that up and keep the floor clean. 3) An umbrella stroller- we were sure that we would be able to buy one once we were there, but it was too late in the season, and only the big covered ($$$) strollers were in the stores. We had a Snugli, but once she was in a snowsuit ( in October!) she didn't fit. The stroller would have also made a nice fake high chair for feeding.
Items that we were glad we brought: 1) Dramamine. People on the list had suggested bringing a sleep aid, which we had never done before. For us the time difference was 15 hours, which does quite a number on your internal clock. We took Dramamine for a few nights to force ourselves to sleep, and we got on local time pretty quickly. 2) Journals. We wrote whenever we could, all kinds of small details, but we hope our daughter will be happy to read about our first meetings and her place of birth. 3) A photo album of our home and extended family. It was a nice icebreaker when we would meet new people. 4) Big towels. Ok, we know we have been talking about packing light, but the towels at the hotels are pretty skimpy, and you are there for quite some time. We brought some packed in those vacuum bags, and left them at the hotel when we checked out. (You can also get "American style" white toilet paper at the markets- you may want to supplement that for what the hotel supplies.) 5) Our camera and video camera. We brought them everywhere with us, and got some fun shots of things. Our translator thought we were a little looney at times, but we hope our daughter will like some of the scenes that we captured.
Most importantly, try not to think of the waiting period as a jail sentence, but as an opportunity. When you get home, you are going to be overwhelmed by friends and family, and the obligations of being at home. This is one of the few times in your life that your sole focus can be on this child. Enjoy the process of getting to know one another.
Our best to you as yout travel to bring your child home- Eileen,Tim, Kevin and Mary Delaney
Our trips to Komsomolsk
TRIP ONE: JUNE
We left Washington DC about 6pm on Tuesday, and arrived in Komsomolsk at 6:30 on Friday morning. We had not yet had a full night's sleep or taken a shower. Our luggage did not make the transfer from the Paris flight to Moscow, and we had little hope of seeing it until we reached Moscow again. When we arrived in Khabarovsk on Thursday afternoon, we were whisked off to the Notary's Office to fill out some papers, and then our translator took us shopping for some personal essentials to get us through the next few days. Then we were dropped off at the Amethyst Hotel for a few hours sleep and a shower. We ate some dinner at the hotel, and met the other couple that would be traveling with us. Then at 10 pm., our translator and coordinator came to the hotel to take us to the train station.
Our trek through the station was easy since we only had our carry ons, and a plastic shopping bag with provisions for the train ride. As it was June, it was still twilight, even at that late hour. We were brought down the track to one of the cars, and shown to our compartments. This must be first class- there is a little arrangement of artificial flowers on the table, with a linen cloth and tea things set up as well. There was a padded bench on each side of the cabin that served as the bed, which was pretty comfortable, if you like a firm mattress! We spent a long time in the hallway getting acquainted with our traveling companions as the train started the journey, but eventually decided that we all needed to get some rest for the big day ahead of us.
I couldn't sleep at all, and around 3:00, just gave up trying. The train stops many times between Khabarovsk and Komsomolsk, and whenever I would drift off, the train would stop again. I just stared out the window at the rising sun, and kept wondering about what our meeting with our daughter was going to be like. At 6:00, loud disco music blared out from the intercom, waking up the entire train for the arrival at 6:30.
Two cars were waiting at the train station to take us to the Visit Hotel, where we checked in. We took another shower, and tried to make ourselves as presentable as possible. At 9:30, the driver came to pick us up, and asked if we wanted to squeeze in the car, or take two trips. No one was going to be left behind, so we squeezed four adults into the back of a tiny Toyota. Five minutes later, we were driving through an apartment complex, and facing a set of iron gates, which opened into the entrance of the Baby Home.
We were taken inside for the formal meeting with the Baby Home Director, Dr. Irene. She was beautifully dressed in a green dress, with exotic dangly earrings. She welcomed us warmly, and we waited for the caregivers to bring our children down from the grouppas. We were in the small playroom downstairs when they brought our daughter to us, and they let us visit with her for about an hour. Then it was their nap time, so we left for lunch, and planned to return at 2:00.
We had two more visits that day, at 2 and 6, lasting about 2 hours apiece. During one of the visits, the representative of the Ministry of Education observed us with our child- she was going to testify in court about our visits and our fitness to parent this particular child. Dr. Irene also spent a good deal of time with us going over our daughter's medical and social history so that we would be informed as much as possible. We found Dr. Irene to be very caring and warm, with a deep rapport with the children. We were asked on that first day if we were going to accept this child as our daughter, which we did. We signed some more papers, and went back to the hotel to sleep.
On Sunday, we had the same schedule of visits, at 10, 2 and 6. We would return to the hotel between visits and watch some televisions, or do a little shopping, or catch something to eat. The jet lag was amazing, and it felt like we were in a physical and emotional fog.
Dr. Irene had observed that we had brought a little photo album with us, with pictures of our son, our house and our family. We spent a lot of time with our daughter showing the pictures and letting her turn the pages. Dr. Irene asked if we wanted to leave the album, and she would ask the caregivers to show it to our daughter while we were gone. We were thrilled that our daughter might be able to become familiar with the way we look, so our return wouldn't be such a shock We didn't have great faith that she would actually be shown the book while we were gone, but we could hope.
On the last visit on Sunday night, I could hardly even touch our daughter, because I was so sad at having to leave her so soon. But my husband had the right attitude of making the most of every moment, and he soon pulled me back into playing with her. Suddenly our time was over, and it we had to say "So long for now.'' We had another train to catch, and then begin the plane flights home to our son.
TRIP TWO: SEPTEMBER
We had waited through the summer vacations, and finally had a court date at the end of September. Dr Irene and Ludmilla, the Minister of Education for Komsomolsk, came to Khabarovsk to testify at the court hearing. Both of them were returning to Komsomolsk by bus that afternoon, so we planned a celebration dinner for the next night, in Komsomolsk.
We were experienced travelers on the train now ( don't us the WC while the train is stopped in a station!) so we both took a Dramamine as a sleep aid, and slept for the whole train ride. Boy, the disco music sure is a tough way to wake up. We arrived in a fog that made the train station seem like a set from a spy movie, and this time there was a mix-up and the drivers weren't there. Our translator hired two taxis to take us to the Visit, where there was another problem- there were no rooms for us. (We found out later that some government officials were in town, and had usurped the deluxe rooms saved for foreigners.) Back in the taxis, and off to the Voshod Hotel, which is the only other hotel in town that is allowed to host foreigners. Luckily they had rooms, although it was unsettling that our family at home would not know where we were.
This time we had our luggage, and we brought our gifts to the Baby Home for the first visit of the day. Again Dr. Irene greeted us formally, then she changed into pink scrubs for her work day. Since it was the weekend, we were allowed to conduct our visits in the upstairs music room, which was equipped with a piano and many little chairs. Our translator asked if we could take custody of the children and bring them back to the hotel, but Dr .Irene declined, saying that we were still in the waiting period, and should continue to visit with the children under her supervision until we left for Khabarovsk.
It was wonderful to see our daughter again, and know that she was coming with us this time. The caregiver in her grouppa brought out Mary's photo album and gave it back to us, and made sure that we knew that she had been showing it to her. It was very sweet.
During one visit, we were allowed to take our daughter for an outing to the river. We walked around the harbor area, and saw the World War II Memorial that listed all of the names of those who died. It was a sobering sight. It was also a reminder that these people were fighting the Japanese, not the Germans, as we always think of first when we think of World War II. There was also a large statue in tribute to the young people who built Komsomolsk 70 years before. We were then taken to a grocery store to buy some essential food items to feed the baby, once she was in our care.
On the third and final day in Komsomolsk, we were allowed to take the children to the hotel for the visits. We had been visiting in the music room, but since it was Monday, the children were having their music classes and the room wasn't available. We like the idea of the boys and girls learning about music in that room.
In the afternoon Dr. Irene said a tearful goodbye to us, and wished us well very eloquently. Oddly enough, we were required to bring the children back to the Baby Home for their 8 pm dinner, then we went back to the hotel to wait for the time to take the train.
Our impressions of the Komsomolsk Baby Home are very good. Dr. Irene has great affection for the children, and knows each of them well. She would often have children holding her hand as she was going about her business in the building. The caregivers were very kind, and were happy to know that the children were going home to a family. The children seemed to have plenty of food, and were playing with the toys in the grouppa. The building is clean and there were many photographs of the children on bulletin boards in the hallways. The staff here seems to do the best that they can with limited resources.
The Baby Home houses up to 60 children, from birth to somewhere in the third year. We were leaving on a Monday night, and we were told that two new children were due to arrive on Tuesday morning from the maternity hospital, where they had been waiting since birth until a place became available.
Komsomolsk city is famous as a shipyard for building submarines, and foreigners were unknown here until the fall of the USSR. We visited the Orthodox Church, which was only built 5 years ago. We found some postcards of Komsomolsk in a bookstore, which showed the sights of the city that we were not going to have time to see. A US family had given us money to buy some items for the Baby Home, and Dr. Irene had given us a wish list of warm clothes, tights and small sized shoes. Another family had given us money to buy fresh fruit for the children, which bought threes cases of bananas, pears and apples.
We think of the Komsomolsk Baby Home very fondly, and remember the people that took care of our daughter in our prayers at night. Our daughter has adjusted very well so far, and we attribute her smooth transition to the care that she received there.
Eileen and Tim Delaney
