By: Liz Ferron adoption completed 2001
I was told that of all the regions in Russia that my agency worked with, Khabarovsk was likely to offer the youngest infants, the quickest referrals and be the most receptive to me as a single woman.
I'm not sure how Khabarovsk actually compares with other regions in this regards....but in June of 2001 these criteria were met. I received "a referral" 2 weeks after my dossier was complete. I was referred to a beautiful 6 month old girl. There didn't seem to be any difficulties with my being single (in fact, I got the impression that court went a little more smoothly for me because the judge didn't explore any marital issues).
After receiving a video and medical information about my daughter, I sought the advice of 3 international adoption physicians. You hear a lot of different perspectives on how helpful these consults are. I would say...plus/minus. CLEARLY the accuracy of the assessments is extremely limited by
1) insufficient and sometimes inaccurate medical information supplied by Russia
2) the fact that the physician is assessing a video and not the child his/herself.
3) the tendency of most physicians to be overly cautious
4) the difficulty of ferreting out orphanage delay from genetics.
I didn't understand the concept of going with your gut and "leap of faith" until I got into the process, and realized that the medical advice was helpful....but could only be one factor in making my decision. The Frua chat, Khabarovsk list serve, talking with friends and family, and listening to my heart were all very important factors as well.
Now that I am back from Russia with my daughter (home for nearly a year and a half), I look back with great fondness on the whole adoption process...especially time spent in Russia. This is funny because while I was there it was extremely stressful. I wish I could have savored the experience more. I ask myself, what would it have taken for the process to have been less stressful for me?
1) Be less fear driven. Worry less about what kinds of problems my child might have, and allow myself to dream and fantasize about our lives together. Be more focused on the positives/possiblities.
2) Asked for more help and support with the process. There was so much leg work involved in the process. The last 7 -10 days help came out of the wood work....but in hind sight I wished I had asked for more help along the way so I wasn't so stressed. I know it's challenging for all....but I think particularly for single people...there is no one to share the load with.
3) I had several phone conversations with people who had already adopted children from Russia. These were life lines. Really helpful. I think I would have even done more of this.
4) Once my decisions were made, I would have spent more time focusing on the positive stories that people shared about their adoptions.
5) Looked into the possibility of taking classes for expectant parents (learning things like diapering etc.).
These are things that come immediately to mind.
In hindsight....I loved adopting from Russia, and would do it again in a flash....if I felt I had the energy to parent another child. The outcome has been great. I'm continually amazed by the joy of parenting, the awesomeness of my daughter, and the way we seem to fit together.
